So my best friend Joc is getting married in a little over two months...YIKES, that's close. As I was searching my picture folders for something to post on this god-forsaken blog, I came across some old wedding photos. Perfect! A little wedding advice for the new bride-to-be. Listen closely JB...
DON'T wear your hair in cornrows. Unless you are using gold teeth as an accent.
DO have a post wedding huddle with your besties...maybe even a cheer.
DON'T let your lame photog take any hideous pictures like this...with you in front and your dorky parents blurred, albeit hugging in the background.
DO have pies. Lots and lots of pies...made from scratch.
DON'T let your dad forget his tux pants. It's starts off the day a little hectic and unpleasant
DO make sure your bridesmaids dresses don't give them rope burn. Blisters and raw skin make for some gross memories.
DON'T ever have pictures taken of your feet if your second AND third toes are longer than your big toe. Just ugly.
DO grab your man's ass. Very wedding appropriate.
DON'T pick out tuxes that make the groomsmen look like Lego-men.
DO act this thrilled to see every single guest...it's not over-the-top at all.
DON'T...have I mentioned the cornrows?
DO get married in a barn. Makes the Bud Light served in cans absolutely fitting....but don't go overboard and have chew spitters, there's a fine line between a tasteful and just tacky.
DON'T forget to eat. Anorexia is not becoming of a bride-to-be...no 'cushion for the pushin', if you know what I mean.
DO marry the cutest little gap toothed blond boy you can find.
DON'T ever have a photo where you look like an NFL lineman and your husband looks like a petite woman.
DO serve the wedding party endless libations before the big event...or just flasks of vodka (hint, hint). A wedding not remembered means it was a good one.
14 comments:
Hey, thanks for helping me spit the rest of my dinner all over the table laughing.
ohhhh but the corn rows were soooo in then!
hey! you forgot an important do! DO choreograph a lip sync rendition of some great song and perform it for your new hubby in front of all your guests! Classic...that memory will stick til death do you part and then some.
ha ha those were perfect! And you are spot on with the no feet pictures. Long 2nd toe makes me throw up in my mouth. And I hope you have gained some weight since then missy, wow you WERE in Lindsay Lohan territory back then.
oh my god, i love you so much. this post is hilarious... ah hindsight. ;)
DON'T have a hairstyle where your do takes up the whole three hour appt. and your mom's hair gets a 5 minute job. It causes her to look like scrap noodle and your dad to forget his pants (one on the many reasons)
You just made my Sunday.
you are so bomb.
you kill me. i was rolling at your corn rows. can you just imagine ME with corn rows?
and i WISH my biggest don't was looking anorexic.
boo.
Best wedding advice ever! God I love you cousin. You can be my wedding planner should that day ever come!
Hilarious! Love it. Love that I thought I was the only one your drawed dropped to see...apprently not. I sort of liked the cornrows and still do...but I'm from T-town so it's sort of in my blood. Oh Meg...this is what I love about you. So able to find the humor in yourself. Such a fabulous trait. Love you!
too funny...swens, I am pretty sure corn rows were never "in" as far as wedding up-dos go!
I'm dying laughing, I remember all of the do's and don'ts - although the don'ts seemed like do's 5 years ago! :) XOXO
Megan, you crack me up!
I remember you being skinny but holy crap, you were anorexic. Just kidding. I am always jealous so pay no mind over here...
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