I don't get it. I don't know how you mom's do it. My hat goes off to you. I am, hands down, the worst stay at home mom in the world. I'm just not cut out for this business. I feel like everyday is Groundhogs day. I dream of being the mom who does fun projects with their kids, takes them on 'field-trips' to teach them about the world, bakes with them, plays games with them for hours, etc. However, I am finding out that, I am anything but. I just wing it until nap time and cross my fingers until Ryan comes home. I am pathetic. I am definitely no super mom. If I were a website I'd be lamemom.com. I don't really like to play with them. I'm good for about 15 minutes of 'house' or 'school', tops. I dont like arts-n-crafts...the mess...can't do it. I don't make my own baby food. Nothing that goes in my kids mouth is organic...unless it's a fluke. Shoot, even Carson's breast milk is laden with caffeine and preservatives. Seven days a week is a long time to be with any two people. Especially two small, helpless, people. I mean, for the love, can't you get your own sippy cup of milk...Just once.
Maybe I would be better at it if I were blind and deaf. Because by the end of the day I can't stand the sight of my messy house, it makes my skin crawl and my heart race. I can't bare to hear the word "Mama" one more freakin' time. I have nothing left to bargain with. I have no energy to say NO anymore. I can't wipe one more body part. I can't play one more game of hide and seek, as suspenseful as they are. And for christs sake, I can't answer 'why' for the ten millionth time. Stir that together with a crying newborn and a barking dog...oh, and sprinkle in no sleep. See, you're starting to get it? Now, shut-up, and go get Mommy another mojito.
32 comments:
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahaha. I love this post.
Currently on my second glass of wine And I was at work ALL DAY.
It's a hard gig. No digity.
It gets better, I PROMISE! You know I wouldn't lie to you! But in the meantime, drink up:)
I don't know one mom who likes to play with her kids. My mom didn't play with me, I don't play with my kid, and we're all turning out okay. Playing with kids is boring, and that's the truth. I can handle board games, but that's about it.
when she asks why, try asking her back, "Why do you think?" in a nice way. Worked for me!
Hang in there, you're doing a fine job!
do you have a ymca close by? join if you do and put hadley into every class they have. they're free. carson can go to the daycare for like $2 an hour, other kids will play with hadley and you can zone out on the bench. but try to sit kinda far from other moms so you don't have to talk. and hopefully hads will be tired enough after class(es) that she'll sleep...the whole afternoon. it's not your clean couch with a drink in hand but it will do. and hire a cleaning lady while you're there. and keep in mind that soon-ish carson will be bigger and they'll entertain each other. listening to them fight is annoying but better than playing with them. gotta go...off to preschool so someone else can teach Will all he needs to know so that I don't have to!
This is why you teach them to make toast as soon as possible. It's hard to hurt yourself (badly enough to require a trip to the ER) making toast, it SEEMS like a big kid task to them and a loaf of white bread plus a tub of Gold'n Soft margarine (if you are anything like your weird mother) is all you need to keep them busy and fed.
NOW do you see why I had so many "outside days" for you kids, and locked the door behind you???
BH, so great to hear that other people don't like to play with their kiddos, I was nervous to share that with the www. But got over it after my second beer.
Malia, great thinking...we are already at the Y A LOT since it's free daycare for 90 minutes while you work out. And then we lollygag for another 30. They probably wouldn't notice if I left them there all day:).
Val...I'm holding you to your word.
And Lavs...totally get it now. Why did you ever let us back in?
Oh and one more thing...sorry two cups of coffee in, I'm wordy...BH I die that you had to remind me to say it nicely. It made my day. And it's a great idea.
oh meg, i FEEL you.
Why do you think I text you all day long. Hello, world? Are you out there? It's me, I'm at home with my toddler and I'm trying not to pound my head against the wall all day long.
Except, that's what my toddler does..
Hello best christmas present ever! (my mom must really understand with 5 of us...) Nook Color READS TO YOU! No more reading the same book over and over and over Xs infinity. Well, that still happens too but at least it reduces the burden.
you are funny, actually hilarious, thank you for my morning coffee literature. Stay at home moms should win Presidents club trips and get bonuses, they are way underpaid.
i thought we had a pep talk yesterday at my house? AND i thought i asked you to stop scaring me?
Crafts, zoo trips, games, and reading lessons must be intermingled with cartoons, nintendo DS, m&ms and the occasional lunchtime beer to succeed over here. By the way, the beer is for me, but that gives me an idea...
LOVE THIS! I am three months away from being a stay at home mom for a short 3 months and I'm already terrified! So terrified that I will continue to pay for childcare so my 3 year old has some place to go! At least the new one won't be able to ask "why" or tell me to pretend I'm Cinderella or Belle! Thanks for reminding me to stock up on the right ingredients for a mojito...
really? really ? is it that bad or are you just being a weeny? Let me remind you... you did not have TWINS! now suck it up, put on a video for Hads, have another drink and stop scaring any moms-to -be out there!
If you need some Xanax just call! Mom's little helper for sure! Lets have a play date!
Jocelyl, mamahood is great!
I am a total blog stalker of yours, and I hope I am one day half the kick ass mom you are!
Get the red Kool-Aid out and take naps when they do! SO glad to see what goes around comes around! And try to take after your fav aunts - not your crazy mother . . .
I believe you were the one that told me moms drink WAY more than any other mammal. And I didn't get it until Cannon and now I get it. TOTALLY get it. Guess who came straight from swim lessons this morning, (still in a wet one piece) to the CAR DEALERSHIP for 2 hours with a toddler who only wanted to run around the service garage picking up every sharp object? And guess who asked (not jokingly) the cashier if they had baileys to go with their complimentary coffee? And guess who desperately wanted to spread her legs in the seat of her car with the heat blasting her crotch so that her waaaaay too small speedo would finally dry and maybe stop itching? And guess who finally came home, fed her son, put him to nap a hour early so she could enjoy a premature happy hour growler of mack n' jack while she watched the speedo burn in the fireplace?
Can you guess?
Thanks for sharing the truth!
I have loved being s stay at home mom for 4.5 years, loved it, now I have a 2nd, a newborn, I look forward to getting out of here!The nursing, the sitting, the mess!Oh god!How do people manage so well with more than 1, or 8 !(Oh Im a friend of alicias and enjoy your blog so much!our babies ar only a few days about!)
I freaking miss you!!! You always make me smile, and you don't scare me a touch! Maybe cuz I am just waiting for the day you plop Hads on the plan to me in NYC! Love ya
I freaking miss you!!! You always make me smile, and you don't scare me a touch! Maybe cuz I am just waiting for the day you plop Hads on the plan to me in NYC! Love ya
Another post that I love. Do you know what I get tired of... the sh*t. Between the two kids and my dog, I deal with sh*t on average 37 times a week. You think it's great when you have them potty trained, but they still need to be wiped and sometimes I feel like I am cleaning up after a 300 pound man. It's that disgusting!
I agree with Liz. After driving home from QFC around 8pm tonight after being with the kids all day, feeding them dinner, putting them both to bed and pumping, I had to go to the store for dinner, saltines, gatorade and nyquil for my poor, vomiting hubby. I honestly thought to myself on the way back, "I use to work 60 hours a week in my office, and this is harder on so many levels. It never ends. But I LOVE it and would not go back for anything. Even when I want to poke my eyes out - which is more often when you move from 1 to 2.
Hides, it's the hardest gig there is. And I agree, two really uped the ante. But you're right, it's the best job in the world...so what if I'll need a liver transplant when they are 18. hope Jon is feeling better.
And Hello Blog Stalkers (say it in your best 'Hello Moto' voice), thanks for coming out of the woodworks. We are all blog stalkers!
Love this post. It was like I was reading a post about how I feel every day. I thought I would embrace being home with my kids... Arts and crafts, martha stewart like with baking and a tidy home. Nope not me. I am just happy to have showered and survived or that the kids survived. Thanks for sharing. I am a better mom because I work (part-time! Being home is the best but I need to miss my kids to appreciate them. That is why I am a better mom when I work!
You are KILLING me with this post, laughed out loud like 50 times. The first is rough...it really does get better the older they get and can entertain each other. Numero tres is FREAKING me out....I have one week to mentally prepare.
Ok, I know I am way late on reading this post, but THANK YOU! I am so happy to hear that there or more of us out there. I have actually contemplated counseling to learn how to LIKE to play with my kids. I am so sick of Star Wars, Lego's, and all things 5 year old boy that I could puke! I can't believe I am adding another one to this brood. Lets at least hope for some pink!
I agree with the playing. It's torturous sometimes to play the games with Tyler. But, it does get so much better when the two of them play together (which just started, hallelujah!). So, only about 7 months more for you...
i just want to say that i don't think most adult women "enjoy" playing with their kids all day, doing messy projects or waiting on them hand and foot. but there are some of us who happen to have a kid that doesn't allow us to be lame. ava would literally demolish my house, run away or kill her siblings if i didn't constantly keep her busy. and movies don't cut it. she needs to get out at least once, needs to get her hands dirty and really needs to connect by playing. she is a tough cookie!!! do i love it? hell no. but i am learning that life is SO much better when i meet her needs. less squabbles, less tantrums, less arguments, less jealousy, less aggression and more of all the good stuff. so be thankful that you have kids that let you be a lame mom. seriously. you don't know how good you have it. oh and ps. it is going by faster than you even realize missy. and then you will miss them being small. love you. xo
Geeze Kate...thanks for making me feel like shmuck.
Blog stalker here - and mom of 2 year old spontaneous triplets! OMG your post had me laughing my ass off! LOL! I LOVE IT! I've been home for 2 years now, left an amazing career and have NEVER worked harder than I do now - for free. :) Thanks for reminding me we are all alike, in one way or another!
meg...don't even say that. a schmuck you are not. we are all jealous of you deep down. trust me...your kids will suffer no ill effects because you didn't bake or let them fingerpaint. you and everyone else knows that you and ryan are probably the best, coolest, hippest, most spontaneously funloving parents this side of the mississippi. now shut up and go have another drink you lush. ;)
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