thirty two.

Wine tasting for my bday with Ry...I was over-served.  Go figure.

Say it ain't so.  It's hard to swallow that this old woman is 32 (when you're 32 do you start to talk in the third person...apparantly so).  I still feel like I'm 26.  And when I hear young 'uns talking about Nicki Minaj or wondering who Kirk Cameron was, I know I am most definitely not a part of their generation.  But I love it.  I love getting older.  Because with each year, you're just that much smarter.  Or how about this...with each year, you don't care that you are not any smarter.  Either way, you're wiser.  So here's my list, because I love lists, and because it's my birthday.  32 things about me, things I've learned, things I know to be true...just things that make me, me.

1.  I tried wine yesterday...a lot of wine.  I'm back to beer.  Maybe when I'm 33 my palate will mature.

2.  The five gals I had by my side at my wedding are still my best friends to this day.  I like that.

3.  You should definitely marry 'up'.  Ryan is so much better than me in every way...and that makes me try harder.  It also annoys me.

4.  If I ever knew how much I was going to love my kids I don't know if I would have had them.  It's scary being so vulnerable.

5.  I never suffer from buyer's remorse and frequently suffer from a buyer's high.  It's a bad combo.

6.  I am the only person I know without an iphone.

7.  There is nothing a long run and a good playlist can't get you through.

8.  Hadley and Carson have the best sets of Grandparents in the entire world.  I hope they always take this for granted and think that's the way it is for everyone.  It will be our little secret that it's not.

9.  Being a nurse gives me a satisfaction that I can't quite explain.  To have strangers trust you with the care of their child is the most awesome feeling in the world.

10.  Best smells ever...Aloha Orchid Anthropologie candle.  Amazing Grace Philosophy lotion.  Kiddos fresh out of the bath lathered in Muestela lotion.

11.  The only beer I don't like is IPA.  Unless it's a Tuesday night and the kids are asleep, and I have no other choice.  Then I can make do.
12.  Girlfriends are dire to a healthy, happy life.  We just 'get' eachother in ways noone else can.

13.  I never realized how much I love quiet.

14.  I haven't eaten candy since January 1st. 

15.  I lie a lot about purchases on our credit card bill.  It's not an admirable trait.

16.  I wish I was thriftier, but I am too much about convenience.  I need to plan ahead better.

17.  When someone asks how you are, don't say 'busy'.  We are all busy.

18.  I thrive on routine.

19.  I hate sleeping anywhere but my own bed.  And I don't even sleep there that well.

20.  I would have never known that someone I knew for only 22 weeks would have such an impact on the rest of my life.  He still continues to test my strength daily.

21.  Not having time is just an excuse.  Make time.  We all know how much time we waste reading these god forsaken blogs.

22.  I secretly hoped Carson was going to be a twin.

23.  A lot of people don't get my sense of humor.  That's okay.  Those that matter do.

24.  Favorite outfit is jeans, a T shirt, and Toms.  I wish I were fancier.

25.  I wish I didn't wish so much.

26.  I think it's really important to fail in front of our kiddos...otherwise how would they learn to pick up the pieces and carry on.  Don't fool them that perfect exists.

27.  I find it almost impossible to cry in front of other people.  It is one of my greatest weaknesses.

28.  I haven't worn shorts in over 4 years.

29.  My most favorite meal is a sammy with chips smashed inside and a diet pepsi.

30.  I'm a whole lotta bark.  But no bite...I hate confrontation.

31.  Speaking of biting, I am missing 5 teeth.  Truly.

32.  I break out in hives all the time.  When I'm drinking, when I'm embarassed, when I'm nervous, when I'm talking about myself, when I have the 'floor' of a conversation.  You should see how splotchy I am right now.  I am doing two of the above.

Cheers to getting older...bring it 32.  I double dog dare you to not be my best year yet.

sigh.

This makes it all worth it. 

The exhaustion, the insecurities of being a mama, the constant noise, messes, & distractions, the endless neediness...at moments like these...who cares.

This was her view.  He thinks she's the coolest.  And she's equally smitten.

who taught this kid to talk.

We were putting Carson to bed the other night and she proclaims:

"Dada, we need to get a bigger chair in here while we rock Carsie because Mama's big bottom takes up ALL the face (space) and I have none room for my bottom".

Oh, yeah...well at least I can make the 'sp' sound.  You little rat.

(Pic taken pre Carson sleeping...good God I look tired.  I do need Bare Minerals).

thank god for sibling rivalry.

She started pooping on the potty (I know, she's almost 4...save it).  And not to be outdone, he started sleeping through the night.  5 straight days of poop, 4 straight nights of sleep.  Love that they are both feeling the competitive heat of the other.  As of right now, they are still tied for favorite kid.  The pressures on.

Things are looking up for this family of four.  We might all start to like eachother again.  Stranger things have happened.  Cheers. 

my little co-pilot.

Couldn't dream up a better pal.

three month love letter.

So let's just start this off by being cliche...HOW ARE YOU THREE MONTHS OLD!?!?!?!  Seems like only yesterday we were in the hospital...and then back in the hospital.  My little man...the things you mean to me...impossible to put into words...even for a wordy broad like me.  I love you just isn't enough.  The enormity of LOVE a Mama feels for her babies, well it's certainly bigger than three measly words.  It's bigger than this universe. 

Cars, you have started smiling now.  I mean big, huge, almost touching your ears, smiles.  Smiles that make my heart seem like it actually might just pop out of my chest.  Yes, that big.  You even giggle every so often.  It makes my insides do somersaults.  You coo and coo, and goo and goo in delight.  You are such a happy little guy.  You love to be with your Mama, or watch your Sissy.  And when Daddy comes home, you have a whole new audience to impress.  You still love the three of us the most.  And I love that.

You've just started to realize that your hands and feet are actually, indeed, yours.  No longer do you look at us in confusion when one of your little paws smacks you in the face...as if to say 'who the hell just hit me?'.  Now you know it was you, and after you're done being startled, you love nothing more to gnaw on the little fist that just TKO'd you.  And your little dancing feet...they could entertain you for hours (okay, lets be honest, minutes). 

As for sleeping.  You suck.  You are the worst.  I swear, you are a doll baby all day, and then 10pm hits, and you grow horns.  We give you a tubby, lotion you up, stick you in your sleep sack, swaddle you, read to you, feed you and you are out like a light.  But then something happens when it gets dark.  Something very bad.  Only once have you given us more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep.  ONCE!!!  I think last night I actually heard Satan whispering in your ear.   You've got until I go back to work to figure it out.  Be warned buddy.

Other than that, you are a dream baby (of course, you are never asleep long enough to actually dream yourself).  Your imperfections make you absolute perfection.  I love your big wide smile, I love your little pug noises, I love your two birthmarks, I love your wide set eyes, I love your little voice, I love how you love to be swaddled, I love that you'll take a bottle or a boob...just as long as you are fed.  I love your wonky right eye and your eighteen inch eyelashes.  I love that you love Patty Cake. I love your fascination with Hads, I love how you look at your Dad, I love how I'm still your favorite.  I love how you just want to be held, and rocked, and touching a warm body at all times.  I love the minute I start singing to you, you instantly stop crying.  I love that you hate dirty diapers.  I love that you love showers.  I love that you cry all night and then once it's time to wake up you just smile and smile at me...making me forget that I never even slept a wink...for the 92nd night in a row.  I love that you already just 'go with the flow'.   And I love, more than anything, that you are our baby boy.  Oh, and I also love, that I never thought, in a million years, that I could ever love someone as much as I love Hadley...but guess what, I do.  And I love that it's you.
xoxo
Your sleep deprived Mama

hat-head.

He's a man of many hats.  Could someone please find him a sleep hat?

say what?

As we were driving home from the cabin this weekend she said:

"Mama & Dada, I was just thinking, Nana & Pa have a boat and Zaide & Baba have a cabin...and we have NOTHING.  That's not fair.  You guys are mean."

I kid you not.  It starts already.  Sad part is, she doesn't even understand that we have the BEST of both worlds.  She'll get it someday.  When she's paying taxes.

name that baby.

10 points for each correct answer. 

Winner gets both kids.

trapped.

HELP!  We are being held captive in our own home.  We've been in a lockdown since Monday, with little glimmers of the outside world in between.  Just long enough to spread our germs to others.  Hadley is still puking (probably was a bad idea to send her to preschool on Tuesday) and Carson has croup...again.  Both with fevers, both want Mama, both are a little miserable and cutely pathetic.  I gotta be honest, it has been fun having no agenda, snuggling on the couch in our nests, watching movies, reading every single book in the house, staying in our sweats, and playing board games till the cows come home.  It makes the 94 loads of laundry totally worth it. 

Doesn't look too rough does it? 

not a lot of slumbering.

We had these wackadoo's over for a little sleep-over the other night.  And sleep is what we did the least of.  We made our own pizzas, watched Alvin and the Chimpmunks, went on a treasure hunt, and played musical beds.  All of the kids started out on our bedroom floor, and from there we danced.  At one point in the night I was in Hadley's bed, Hadley was on our bedroom floor, Carson was in his crib, then Carson was in Hadley's bed, then I was asleep on the rocking chair in Carson's room, Ryan and Lauren were in our bed, and Benny was spooning Hadley...on our floor...and then spooning Ryan in our bed.  Then all 3 kids were in bed with Ryan.  And Ryan moved to the floor.  We got a lot of exercise.

candyland.

She never even catches on to the fact that 100 out of 100 times she picks Queen Frostine or Princess Lolly by her tenth or eleventh turn, or that I always happen to pick Gramma Nutt whenever I get close to King Candyland.  You keeping up?  Needless to say, I cheat so she can win...and so that the game will be over.  Good mom or bad mom?  Without a doubt a smart mom.

peace & quiet.

Usually when Hadley goes to preschool (yes, I sent her to preschool after she barfed all day yesterday...she never had a fever and seemed just fine this morning, so sue me).  Anyhoo, Carson and I usually go to the gym and then run a few errands while she's busy learning...using up every bit of our Hadley-free time.  Today, I just needed a little R&R.  So we headed home and laid like this for two hours.  No other sounds in the house, except his little breathing and me humming The Candyman Can (per his request).  It was just what the doctor ordered.

love is...

...spending Valentine's Day cleaning up after two vomiting children.  And one of those children decided to start her Valentine massacre in the backseat of our car.  Anyone interested in a 2007 Subaru Forester?  Happy Heart Day...hope it's so great you puke. 

a little too honest.

  A few weeks ago a Bare Minerals commercial was on and Hadley said:

Hads:  Mama, do you use Bare Minerals?

Me:  Nope.

H:  You should.

M:  Do you even know what it is?

H:  Yep.  It's to make Mama's look pretty.

M:  You don't think I look pretty?

H:  I really think you should ask for Bare Minerals.  Have Daddy call them.

M:  Go to your room.

And the other day as I was getting out of the shower she asked:

Mama how come your legs are so bumpaley?

Me:  Because I've had two kids.

H:  But what is it that makes it bumpaley?

M:  Cellulite.

H:  It doesn't look very nice.

M:  Yeah, well, it's genetic, so get used to it.

She's starting to give me a complex.

night night.

Hey Cars, maybe you wouldn't be so tired if you'd sleep for more than two hours at a time.  Jerk.

my little pal.

i.love.her.

frost.

I've never really understood gluttony...Until I tasted one of these bad boys.  I could eat them till I puked, and then I'd gladly eat some more.  These beauties, they are like a little piece of heaven.  Seriously.  I dream about them.  And in my dreams they are fat free and calorie free.  We have gone here two Sundays in a row.  Please someone help us.  Send us to a rehab center.  Host an intervention.  And don't worry, we'll provide the donuts.

world's best baby sitter.

I was rushing around trying to get the kids out the door the other day, Carson was in my arms crying, and Hadley reaches out to me and says "Here Mama, need me to take the little guy off your hands for a minute."  And she did.  And both were tickled pink.