It's a weird thing getting older. Because as you get older...those you love and adore, well they get older too. And sometimes, that can be a hard transition to witness. And often times it can be downright painful to be a part of. We have watched my Grandma Mimi suffer through dementia now for the last few years, and I have watched my mom, my aunts, & my uncles suffer along with her. And quietly, I have suffered too. I hate watching people in pain...especially the ones I love. It goes against every single instinct in my nurse body. And I don't know what was worse, to watch Mimi become a shell of the feisty gal she once was, or to watch my mom intimately endure the heinous process of it all...and to soldier on as if she was meant to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. The circle of life is tough, to say the least. It's unfair. But it is what it is. And sometimes the only way to 'fix' something, is to just let it be. Let the story play out, and to always remember where the story started. Oh, and all the chapters in between...well, that's the very best part. I guess that's what makes life worth living in the first place.
My Mimi, well, she was something else. She was not like any other grandma on the planet. She was not like any other person on the planet. She was the tiniest woman, with the biggest personality, and the foulest mouth that I have ever met. She took feisty to a whole new level. She was crass, she was hilarious, she was full of vinegar. With a side of olive oil. And a whole lot of pepper. Oh, and add a heaping spoonful of garlic. Make that two.
She, was a woman of many talents, but her greatest talent was raising her family. She had nine kids of her own, 23 grand kids, and 11 great grand kids. Sunday dinners, 50+ people every Thanksgiving, and a dinner party each night of the week was totally the norm for her. I was lucky enough to get to live with her as a kid, and she was the embodiment of 'the more the merrier'...much to my father's chagrin. And even though, she always told me to "turn the damn TV down!", and even though she cut Kip's rubber snake into one million pieces (she warned us if she saw it one more time she would 'gut' it), and even though I was scared to death of what she would do/or say/or wear when she came to Grandparents Day at elementary school...I always knew, even as a kid, that she was one amazing woman. A strong woman. A determined woman. A successful woman. A smart woman. A woman men loved and other women adored. A business woman. A woman who was always the life of the party. A woman who was fearless. A woman who was timeless. A woman I wanted to be exactly like. A woman who carried on. A woman who didn't give up, in the gravest of circumstances. A woman that I was always so proud to have on my 'team'. A woman who I always listened to, looked up to, and wanted to be around. A woman who I will miss with such a fierceness that it makes my heart feel like it's sitting in my throat.
A woman I can only hope to emulate one day.
She taught us all so much. She was never short of words. Never responsible for a dull moment. And never slow to refill your drink. She was a woman full of wit, wisdom, and a whole lot of wonder. And I want her to always know the mark she left on all of us. Her legacy is one that can never be forgotten.
Thankfully.
Meems...you taught me:
My belt should always match my shoes.
Black goes with anything. Especially more black.
There is no such thing as too many handbags.
Don't buy cheap shoes. They make your feet ugly. And no one likes ugly feet.
Wear a bra. Even if you have nothing to put in it.
Be anything at all. Just don't be boring.
Food is the way to a man's heart. And a blow job.
Water makes you rusty. So drink wine instead.
Every woman should know how to make an apple pie.
Never admit you don't know something. Make up an answer and go with it. Good acting will win over intelligence any day. Just look at all the idiots in Hollywood.
The sign of a good man is a good eater.
Be careful what you set your heart upon, for it will surely be yours. (I always loved this).
Make sure your clothes fit properly. If you look fat in it...you are.
Never ask someone their dress size, shoe size, age, grades, or income. It's tacky.
Never criticize a book, play, or film unless you have read it or seen it yourself. Art is full of surprises. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And most peoples' opinions are garbage.
Be loyal. Fiercely loyal. Especially when it concerns your family.
Never turn down a drink...or dessert. It's rude to the host.
You don't get to choose your own nickname:).
You should always have fresh flowers in your house. And they should never be carnations.
People not having 'seconds' at the dinner table is never an option. Always make more food than you think you will need. That's what Tupperware and a fridge are for. And if your food is good, you won't need either.
When excusing yourself from the table, you don't need to give a reason.
When it comes to opening presents, no one likes a good guesser (and no one likes two little kids that open ALL the presents at Christmas Eve either).
Don't date the bartender. He probably has crabs.
Don't stare, unless they deserve it. And if they are dressed like a fool or acting like a fool...they deserve it.
Surround yourself with people smarter than you. But always be the funniest.
Hang artwork at eye level.
Read. Look up the words you don't know.
Do crossword puzzles. Look up the answers you don't know.
It's okay to be an asshole once in awhile. The people that matter will always forgive you.
Write letters. On paper.
Never push someone off a dock. It makes them not trust you.
Unless you are a doctor, never answer your phone after you have sat down at the dinner table.
Always keep a good joke handy. The dirtier the better.
There's no such thing as too much salt, too much garlic, or too much wine.
There's never a proper time to chew gum. It makes you look like a cow.
Never practice two vices at once. One is all anyone needs. But be good at the one you have.
Don't ever request a joke or an impression. They are never as good on command.
No one likes a know it all.
The F-word cures every problem. Big or small.
And, above everything else, nothing is more important than family. Love them, be nice to them, and tease the hell out of them at Thanksgiving.
Meems, thank you. For loving us all so much. For my dad always being your favorite. For putting up with Kipper and I when we were bratty kids, and then bratty teenagers, but for adoring us when we finally became adults (you were never one for kids). For the memories at the cabin on Whidbey. For being responsible for my most favorite cousin memories. For making family your number one priority...always. For not putting up with anyone's shit...ever. For being a hugger, and a kisser, and butt pincher...even to strangers. For having at least one nickname for everyone. For hating all Costco shoppers. For loving 'good eaters'. For putting one dollar in every birthday card. For loving wine, and Grappa, and shitty vodka. For always letting me crawl into your bed if I was scared at night. For being feisty until the very end. For teaching me so much. For being so proud of who you were. For making me proud of who I am. For every single thing that my mom is. And for NEVER, EVER, being boring.
I love you. I miss you. The world is not going to be the same without you.
But heaven just got really fucking fun.
xoxo
Fendi.
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