10 things I HATE about being pregnant:
1. I have more acne than the average teenager...not only is it all over my face, but it has made a nice little home on my neck and chest as well. Who the hell ever made up the 'pregnant glow' is an idiot.
2. My legs look like I've been hobbled by Kathy Bates at the end of the day.
3. I feel hungover every minute of everyday...but never get the enjoyment of an actual alcoholic beverage or the fun of hearing what I did/said the night before.
4. I cried because Jamba Juice was closed the other night. Seriously.
5. I cried one day because the day 'just wasn't going right', Ryan kindly asked 'well what did you want to do instead babe' and I screamed at him through my sobs 'NOT THIS'. I still am not sure what I had in mind for that day, or what demon took over my body.
6. Did I mention I'm a total hormonal bitch?
7. All I think about is Kraft Singles, Lucky Charms, and Donuts. And my stomach is starting to take the shape of the latter.
8. Once 7pm hits the most I can do with my life is lay on the couch and watch Real Housewives of Atlanta (awful), NYC Prep (worse), and/or 16 & pregnant (at least they're way worse off than me...I'm including all of the above in the way worse off part).
9. I can smell the pores of the person next to me.
10. I'm a real life bulimic, purging at least once a day, but with no weight loss, which is again, depressing!
Can't wait to meet you baby...payback is a bitch.
*I am totally kidding, I promise to be nice to my defenseless little infant...I'll take it out on Hadley instead.
26 comments:
your poor little veiny legs. mine are kind of hurting while i'm thinking about yours. i get bouts of acne even though i'm not knocked up... and my belly is already the shape of those donuts you like to talk so much about... which by the way you did not give me halfsies the other day. i really wanted you to remember too.. rats! i think you can always smell people next to you... that is when your fingers aren't brushing your nostrils like always....and i'm really crossing my fingers that you stop puking. that cannot be any fun! love you and your little peanut already.
okay this is the funny blog entry i have ever read....i even made john read it and he giggled. Nice!
THIS, is why I love you! Can't wait to meet your little nugget and shower Hadley with big sister gifts! :) XOXO
A totally hilarious hormonal person though if that makes you feel any better.
I still do number 5.
oh and the smell of paul's breath would wake me every night....
aw poor Megalina... hopefully things will start getting easier soon!!!
Oh, Meg - the pukies are no fun and I was wondering if this pregnancy would give you those legs (which I did not beleive you actually had with Hads unitl you showed me!). It is ok to be hormonal and eat all the yucky things-enjoy:-) Can't wait to meet the little ravioli!
Sorry you aren't feeling so hot and sorry my daughter probably made it worse yesterday:( She's not always so easy to deal with. If it makes you feel better I didn't notice the acne or the belly, your skin and tummy both looked great to me:) Didn't notice the legs either actually. So in my eyes you are still perfect:)
Are you kidding me Val, Lauren was awesome. She's a persistant little one, and I thought it was hilarious that once I was distracted she went upstairs and put on the forbidden clothes. I love her little spirit, and I love to break it:). They were both little angels, and so much fun! I PROMISE! And you should have seen the the complete and utter joy on Hadley's face when she woke up and her cousins greeted her...ear to ear that smile!
the thornier the rose the sweeter the fragrance....ie the tougher the pregnancy the easier the baby. Oh wait, you had Hads, guess we have to throw that analogy out the window. Do love that you are willing to endure everything you mentioned to bring such incredible joy to the rest of us.
Well, if we're complaining I may as well join in. At least you don't (at least not yet:)...weigh 300 pounds...or have ankles after work that look like they are made out of the jelly in the donuts you ate for breakfast...or have little skin tags growing on your body that your kid likes to stare at and ask "what's that, mommy?" 20 times a day (he's also come after one with a pair of nail clippers)...or sweat like a large piggy...or when your turn over in bed it doesn't squeek like there is an elephant that has joined you and so the whole house wakes up...or your feet aren't just a little too fat to fit in any of your shoes... or your maternity shirts aren't just too small to really cover your belly so you always look and feel like one of those teen girls (who has bad friends who let her out of the house) with too tight jeans and a muffin top hanging over the top of her pants and out of her shirt (you know the ones I'm talking about)...or people aren't asking you questions like the one I got last week while in my swimsuit at Will's swim class "when was your baby due, yesterday?"...or your not just plain jealous because your "friend" from work who has the same due date as you just texted you to let you know she's in the hospital having the baby soon. I'm not complaining though...but I do feel a lot better getting that off my chest.
Oh so sorry Meg. If it's any consolation life seriously sucks for me too! Trust me...baby #3 isn't any easier. In fact, I wasn't aware I could get varicosities from my toe to my butt! Everyone who crosses my hormonal path lately I feel sorry for...especially the people who live under my roof. Perhaps we could comiserate together over a smoothie?! Call me...I would love your company! Love you!
You look a hell of a lot better than that mom we saw at the park today who was wearing her 3 year old's tank top and her grandpa's shorts. I really hope you couldn't smell me. I swear I can smell Steve's ear wax when pregnant and his breath still hits me first thing when he comes home at night. Oddly, his breath often smells like earwax. Whatever you are feeling, you look better than I could hope to look even now that I am done with being pregnant EVER AGAIN. You don't complain unless asked to really tell how you feel (which probably means Ryan gets to hear it all). Endovenous Laser Treatment is covered by our health insurance and I can give you the number of my guy.
Only 7 more months!
megs - I'll knit you a nice silk jock strap for when you start to get your testicles -
First of all your blog post made me laugh and then reading all the comments people made, made me crack up even more. Its great that you are so hilarious and then you have hilarious friends too! If it makes you feel any better when I was pregnant with Cohen I could not poop when I needed to! So think about that one... hormonal and needing to s%^t. I would try so hard that sometimes I thought I was going to birth the baby well before his due date! Hang in there. The first trimester is always the worst. I think pregnancy is simply preparing you for the hell that comes after they arrive. The first 6 months after birth is just the calm before the storm, then they really unleash their furry. Good luck. Cannot wait to meet your little one. Hopefully I will meet this one before he/she goes to college!
well worth all the trubs to get Zaide a new grandbaby. Keep your feet up and find something you can eat, Ms. Bulimia!
I don't get why some women love to be pregnant. You're right and they're wrong.
oops that last comment was me not joc
THIS is why I stalk your blog. You are too hilarious!
You are hilarious!
Hey, I would be more than willing to carry that baby for you. I miss my belly more than anything! I am enjoying my little guy and all of his antics, but there is something about pregnancy that i can't get enough of! I think I just secretly liked the excuse to eat whatever I wanted and get fat. Don't tell my husband, he would freak if he knew I was ready already! See you in a few weeks!
You are all hilarious! Thank you for your well wishes, I guess I'll stick it out another few months!
You ran a marathon pregnant.
You will probably never wear elastic during or after baby number two pops.
And most importantly you don't have a beard.
You look fantastic. I hate you.
Where do you come up with this stuff? This is hilarious. I just saw you a few weeks ago and you looked pretty damn good to me.
You are hillarious!!!! I can't wait to meet the new little one:) Oh and I thought I watched some bad TV....
Hi Megan - Congrats on your pregnancy! Sorry you aren't/weren't feeling well. Love your blog - Hadley is such a cutie! Check out my blog and little guy, Paulie. www.texasizzos.blogspot.com
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