So I've been hearing about the 'age three' since Hadley's first birthday. Anytime you complain about your kids to well seasoned parents, they just look at you and smile. Veteran parents love to burst new parents bubbles at any opportunity available. The old game of 'you think it's bad now...just wait.' Every Mama I've ever met has told me, 'The terrible two's are nothing. Three year olds are awful.' And for awhile I just didn't buy it ('no...not my perfect little angel', I foolishly thought).
After Hadley's third birthday I remember talking to Ryan and saying 'I don't know what all the talk is about, three year olds are great.' That was then, this is now.
I hate three year olds. It's why I've been absent from the blogging world. I've got nothing nice to say. Hadley is the devil, disguised in a size 5 Pull-up and super cute wedge haircut. One morning we just woke up, and the charming, fun loving, gal we knew and loved had been replaced by a parent loathing, irrational, oblivious, bitter, schizophrenic, compulsive, completely deaf, deprecating, amnesic, snot faced, brat. We'll call her Sybil. In the past three weeks, Sybil, has easily been given 105 time-outs. Screams, cries, and convulses every single time we say the word 'NO' (although we had no qualms when she was running with scissors the other day). Screams, cries, and convulses every time she doesn't get to do something 'all by herself' (even if that includes pouring a two gallon carton of milk into her cereal...without help). Screams, cries, and convulses every time something doesn't go just right (for example, if she has a problem getting her baby out of a highchair. She saves it for the major stuff). She has been spanked (judge me, I don't care, I'm just proud of myself for leaving all of her teeth intact), she has been shut in her room with the door locked (while I sat outside, took 52 deep cleansing breaths, and a shot of Jack), and she has been losing her most prized possessions at an alarming rate (we'll be having a garage sale soon). And what has all this done for us...NOTHING. She's still bipolar. She's still constantly testing those ever present boundaries and our ever diminishing patience. She's still screaming, crying, and convulsing at any opportunity that seems appropriate (which, in her deluded mind, is every 15 minutes or less). And she's still three years old.
In the meantime, Ryan and I are looking into Boarding Preschools (we're thinking somewhere nice in China), and/or selling her on craigslist (we'll throw in two of Ryan's bikes and our BOB stroller), and/or taking her to that church in Midwest where you can just leave them on the doorstep, no questions asked, and, more importantly, no take-backs. The good news is...she turns four in 289 days. The bad news is...I don't know if she'll make it that long.
And for all you baby adoring parents...just you wait...three year olds suck.
22 comments:
Oh man...I'm tired for you. She's growing, give her tylenol. Recalled or not, tylenol beats a busted lip. :)
see why I locked you kids out and said "it's an OUTSIDE DAY" every time you came over??? SEE!!!???? Cocktails help.
oh poor things. i am so glad you blogged though, you crack me up. feel free to complain about Hads any time - it will be good for her to look back on later and see how awful she was (even though she is still super cute doing it)!
BTW her shoes are ADORABLE.
You know what else sucks? Parents forget that three year olds suck and then they have another one. We are so dumb.
I wonder what she thinks of you right now?
**Because I am a Veteran of ages 3,4,and 5 years, I feel I should inform you that those years aren't the best either.**
Have a nice day.
At least she's really cute:)
Word, sister.
I have no memory of that time - don't get me wrong, I am certain they went through it, just don't remember it. Sometimes dementia is a good thing.
I've read this post about 4 times. IN FEAR.
You are so full of poo, you know you love her just the way she is and would not want to change a thing. You don't fool me. Remember what I told you at a young age, better to go through this kind of "activity" at a young age when you have a safety net, rather than when facing a judge and looking at 10 to 20!!
she'll get good again -at around age 25 . . .
so fun to read your stories again!! You could have easily been talking about my 8 year old ont his one... and he's a boy!! I thought boys were supposed to be 'easier'. ha. Good luck to you.
Thanks for the heads up...I have 4 months and 17 days to prepare myself. Maybe you could send me the info on that Boarding Preschool in China...our little giants could be superstars there...
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I confess, I am stalking your blog... I found you through my sisters friend..or something like that. Long story short, I have a little girl who will be 3 in July and I have loved reading your very descriptive, very hysterical and most definitely very real blogs! We have had many moments lately...just ask the ladies in Children's Place Outlet peacefully shopping last week - I am sure they will remember a screaming child in the dressing room - her sounds ranged from blood curdling screams, to muffled blood curdling screams thanks to my hand over her mouth, and the kicker "ouch, mommy"
as I held her hands so she couldn't hit me! Just when I
thought it couldn't get worse...you poignantly remind me
that it can!
A special thanks from my husband...I told him about your adventures and that unfortunately they are "normal" and he finally believes me that an exorcism won't be necessary...well, at this point anyway.
Hang in there...the way I look at it, it can only get better!
I am sorry. I just can't relate to this. At all. ever.
hahahahahahahahaha
Oh Meg. . . you crack me up! Good thing to know I wasn't going crazy! It didn't help though that your mom (sorry BZ) would tell me that 3 is her favorite age about a million times. Good thing she's cute!
Good stuff and so right on. GOsh I love you and that little Hads.
love. this.
Or you could drop her off in Utah...these moms and dads won't even notice an extra kid when there's 15 of them running around anyways! Then I can at least write you an update letter once a year on the happenings of Hads!!
I am laughing so hard reading this cousin dearest... I'm nervous you are one shot away for being in the running for mommy dearest :) If it makes you feel any better, 24 fifteen year old boys in my third period class give Hadley a run for her money on a daily basis. I can't wait to get through my next 10 days till summer freedom!!!
yikes!!! i have two!!!
I've been trying to comment for the last week, but the little crazies always interupt me. Love this post so much. I feel the exact same way about BOTH of my children and threaten to Craigslist them almost everyday. S Tom and I think something is wrong with them because somedays are pure hell. So I agree, 3's suck more than 2's.
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